


I'm where, now?

by Drakey



Series: Through the Screen [1]
Category: Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Original Character(s), The TARDIS - Freeform, Zelda references are honestly pretty nonexistent until later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-25 02:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakey/pseuds/Drakey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andrew Kreteelum drops in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dawn looked down at the river. The rushing sound she was hearing couldn't be coming from the river, unless it had started rusting recently. She had learned, by then, not to be too visible when there were strange things happening, and so she shrank down into a convenient clump of bushes. A voice with a thick British accent spoke somewhere nearby.

"We're really doing this, then?"

"Of course," a second, American voice replied. "I'll show up, have a little chat with myself, and then leave me to my own devices, as I so clearly recall doing. You don't want to mess with causality, do you?"

"You know I hate messing with causality, especially with you around."

"Oh, don't get your Converse in a twist, it was only the Battle of Carthage. Here I come, go away."

The British voice grumbled, and a door opened and closed. The American started singing something. A large orchestra seemed to be backing him up, but when he was interrupted by a loud thud, he stopped singing, and the orchestra fell silent, too. Someone snapped their fingers.

"Ow," the American said. There was a pause. "Funny, I don't _recall_ anyone passing around the mushrooms, yet here I've just traversed a blank white nonlandscape and fetched up in a field somewhere." Another pause. "Yeah, that's how it goes for a while. Don't worry, it'll get easier." He paused again. "Who the hell are you?" He was obviously talking to himself.

"I'm you."

"No you're not, I'm me, I'd know if I were you. For one thing, I'd be standing up."

"When we were thirteen, Mom told us she wouldn't let us drive until we proved we could sit still for three hours."

"That doesn't prove--"

"You're wearing your lucky tie-dye underwear and beginning to consider making out with me."

"I am... " A longer pause. "Okay, maybe a little. What did I drink?"

"At the LAN party? Nothing. Your adventures are just starting, though. Look, you're not going to believe a word I say to you, so I'm gonna keep this brief. I just want to give you a little bit of advice. Turn right when you get to the waterfall." There was a very long pause. "Ah, so that's what that kiss is like on the other end. Waited seven million, four hundred sixty four thousand, two hundred and twelve years to find out; you'd think it'd be better. See ya 'round, studmuffin." Fingers snapped again, and again came the rushing sound. 

When it fell silent, he spoke again. "I have got to stop... um... hallucinating?"

After a while, footsteps crunched through the undergrowth behind Dawn, and she stood up, turning to look at him.

He was short, and a little nerdy-looking, with scraggly brown hair and big, dorky glasses. He had a pin on his shirt, a silver delta on a gold oval. His face was smudged with dirt, as though he'd just fallen face down on the ground. He yelped and jumped back as Dawn stood.

"Who are you?" he shouted.

"Who are you?" she yelled back.

"I'm the one having the nutmeg-vision here, I'll ask the questions. What's a child doing in my hippie vision-quest?"

Dawn glared at him. "Are you picking a fight with me?" She reached into her bag and pulled out a pokeball, touching the button to expand it. If this weirdo thought he was going to get the best of her, he had another thing coming.

"Whoah, hey, hold the phone!" The weirdo pointed at the pokeball. "Is that a pokeball? Man, maybe I need to take up regular hallucinations! This could be the coolest hippie vision quest ever!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew is so much fun to write...

Dawn stared at him. "Who are you?"

He stepped forward, pulling the big dorky glasses off of his face. His clothes were weird, too, black pants, and a black shirt that was red across the top, with four little gold buttons on the collar. The glasses, she saw, had no lenses, and without them he was... goodness. Goodness gracious. He went from nerdy to cute in less than a second, and never mind that he looked about twenty, she could fantasize. When his lips formed the words of his name, she shook her head and said, "Um, sorry, could you say that again?"

"Andrew Kreteelum. And stop looking at me like that, it's creepy, and you're not my type."

Dawn was turning bright red. She knew she was turning bright red, and she hated it. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"It's fine," Andrew said. "I just don't go for anyone under eighteen, no matter how good their cosplay is. So where am I?"

"You're just to the east of Floaroma town. Pretty close to Valley Windworks."

Andrew chuckled. "Cute. Where am I? 'Cause I seriously got no flippin' clue how I ended up here, and I just had the most drug-trip conversation of my life a minute ago. Something about a waterfall? Man, it were be am a freaky talk-happening, you know what I'm saying?"

"Um, what?" Dawn stared at him. He seemed blissfully unaware of the verbal salad-shooter he'd become for a second. 

Andrew kicked a stone into the river. He was wearing polished black boots. "It was a weird conversation. I was emphasizing that with extra weirdness. So are you gonna tell me where I really am, or do I have to wander around until I find a grown man in a Boba Fett costume who's feeling cooperative enough to tell me what sci-fi convention I've chloroformed my way into?" He looked up at the sky for a minute and then added, "That came out wrong. Makes it sound like I was the chloroform-er, rather than the chloroform-ee. Anyways, you gonna tell me, kid?"

"I told you where you are," Dawn said. 

"I told you that was cute, but I'm not gonna tell you again."

Dawn blinked. This man was rapidly going from attractive to frustrating. "Look, I'm sorry, but I have no clue what else I can tell you," she said. "Maybe I can just take you to Floaroma?"

Andrew rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure kid. Floaroma. I imagine we'll fly there on your Staravia."

"No," Dawn said, and she sent out her Crobat. 

Andrew fell over backwards and shouted, "Augh! Jesus Assbiting Christopher Columbus on a Stick!" Dawn stared, and her Crobat stared next to her, and then Andrew slowly smiled. "At no point in the last twenty-four hours have I hallucinated. If I take that as a given, then I must also take as a given that there is a way to enter the world of Pokemon. Working from there, into the Asimovian assertion that two is a ridiculous number, there should be a way, also, into any number of other worlds, each with a unique set of advantages to offer the savvy traveler. Which means..." He thought for a moment. "Hm." and it was at this point that Andrew Kreteelum started cackling.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dull, sorry, there'll probably be a more interesting one tomorrow sometime, but right now, i have to make character sheets for a campaign I'm running for friends. Busy busy busy busy busy.
> 
> On the other hand, Lucian!

Andrew continued to cackle for several minutes. It was really pretty disturbing, and Dawn cheerfully discarded the last, lingering traces of crush before he managed to pull himself together. "Okay," he said. "Okay, I'm fine." He looked at her, looked at the Crobat, and started cackling again. Finally, he stood up and said, "Have you beaten the Elite Four yet?"

Dawn nodded. Andrew grinned. "Can you take me to them? I need to consult with... hm... let's see, probably Cynthia for knowledge, Lucien for power, Flint is likely to know good stuff, and the others won't know anything useful."

Dawn raised an eyebrow.

"Please," Andrew said.

+---+

Flying, Andrew decided, was something he'd rather not do until he had something bigger, like a Fearow or a Pidgeot, or possibly even an Aerodactyl. He'd settle for a Staraptor in a pinch. Somewhere in the back of his head, it occurred to him that he was already planning for a long stay in another universe, and while he wasn't sure if it would ever be easy, it seemed likely that he would be able to hop between universes. There were plenty of ways to achieve immortality in popular fiction, and if Pokemon existed in another universe, he was willing to bet that all sorts of other things did, too.

That, or he was trapped in a surprisingly sophisticated simulation of some sort, or possibly in a coma, neither of which changed what he was going to do. 

Dawn dropped him in front of the big ridiculous cathedral thing the Elite Four used for headquarters in Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum, and Andrew raised an eyebrow. Night had fallen while they flew, but the building was well-lit from below, and suddenly, six hours of dangling underneath a giant bat next to a small girl seemed perfectly reasonable, because, he was basically looking at the Sistine Chapel of big, ominous buildings. The games didn't really do it justice. Flying buttresses, huge, frightening windows that probably weren't up to code in some way, and Dawn led him inside.

For such a foreboding-feeling-inducing exterior, the interior was bright and cheery. Thick maroon carpets were inlaid into bright marble floors, big counters sheltered a pair of frighteningly identical nurses and a couple of non-frighteningly-identical shopkeepers, nervous-looking people sat on scattered benches all around the big entrance hall to the place, and a few bookshelves and plasma-screen TVs were set up to entertain guests. When Dawn came in, everyone tensed for a moment. Whispers went around the room.

_"The Champion is here."_

_"There she is."_

_"They say she has a full-grown Salamence."_

_"They say her Weavile can slice a man in half."_

_"Is it true she met Palkia?"_

Andrew smiled a bit as Dawn went past the people in their seats. He followed her through the doors at the far end of the entrance hall that led to the Elite Four's rooms. There, it seemed, game design gave way to common sense. Of course, it made no sense whatsoever for the Elite Four to spend all their time in sequentially arranged rooms separated by pressure-activated elevators. They seemed to have living quarters, though Andrew was pretty sure he saw the elevator at the far end of the corridor, looking ominous and ceremonially important. 

Dawn, it seemed, was in her element here. One of the Elite Four, a blue-haired man ( _totally cool, I need to get that done,_ Andrew thought), poked his head out as Dawn entered the corridor. When he spoke, it was with a vaguely Californian accent. It occurred to Andrew, briefly, to wonder if everyone here spoke English, or if arrangements were, as they say, being made.

"Dawn, what brings you here? It can't be this young man, can it?" He stepped out, revealing a slim build perfectly complemented by a matching set of red pajamas. Satin, if Andrew didn't miss his guess. 

_These are the things I notice,_ Andrew thought wryly as the man --Lucian, he presumed--leaned against his doorjamb and cocked a hip to the side. 

Lucian looked Andrew over, appraising him, and then shrugged. "Shall I get Cynthia?"

"Flint, too," Andrew said. 

Lucian grinned. "No need to wake up the second-tiers, eh?" His eyes glazed over for a second, and he gestured into the room he'd just come out of. "They'll be along in a few moments. Please, step into my room, perhaps we can find you something besides a track suit to wear."

"It's not a track suit, it's a Starfleet uniform," Andrew mumbled. "I didn't expect to be jetsetting. Crobatsetting. Whatever."

Lucian shrugged. "You look about my size." He waggled his fingers, and a full outfit flew to Andrew out of the door. A suit, with a black button up and maroon everything else, beautifully tailored for Lucian specifically, dropped, neatly-folded, into his hands. Andrew blinked.

"Telekinesis. Hm. That's on the list of things I want."

Lucian gestured into his room again. "If you need a shower, you most likely have the time. Cynthia will want to freshen up. Dawn, you may of course, stay to see what happens, and perhaps fill me in on what you know."

Dawn nodded and went in, and Andrew followed behind her. "Step into my lair, said the Dreth to the Chorkanth," he muttered as Lucian showed him where his bathroom was.


	4. Chapter 4

The suit rode up a bit in the crotch. Andrew sighed and adjusted it, then headed out to find the Elite Four gathered. Well, Flint, Lucian, and Cynthia. Lucian had been as good as his word in recognizing who was really necessary for a meeting.

Dawn sat, looking exasperated, on Lucian's bed. Flint lounged big-hairedly on a big cushy armchair, and Cynthia leaned against the wall. Lucian was reclined on his bed, one leg crossed insouciantly over the other. Flint was wearing Lopunny slippers. 

"Dawn tells us you say you're from another universe," Cynthia said.

Andrew looked around, and for lack of a better place to go, he flopped down next to Lucian. Well, for lack of a better place to go, and to see what Lucian would do. Lucian didn't move, just sort of glanced at Andrew and rolled his eyes.

"For hearsay, it's fairly accurate. Yeah, as near as I can figure, I've been pulled into this place from my home by some kind of... um... thingy. I think maybe the nature of creativity might have to be reexamined, but that can wait for later. I'm looking for a way home, or, failing that, a way to move to another universe." Andrew brushed an imaginary bit of dirt from the suit jacket. "I'd like to do a little learning here, first, though. I don't come without offering to pay my own upkeep, though; because of what I assume to be the nature of the connection between our worlds, I have a lot of valuable knowledge about where to find things in your world." He sat up. "Let me tell you about what I know, and then we'll work on getting me home. Oh, and if I'm gonna be here a while, I'll need something besides borrowed suits and a cosplay outfit."

"You're asking the Elite Four for charity," Cynthia said.

"No," Andrew said. "I'm asking for a little quid pro quo. I have that which you desire, namely, information. You have what I want: resources. I propose a trade."

Cynthia frowned. "All right, we'll listen to what you have to say."

Andrew frowned over at Dawn. "Can I trust them?"

"Do you have a choice?"

+----+

 

It took a while for Andrew to tell all he knew, plot points of other games, locations of legendary Pokemon and how to get to them, where to find rare items, and dozens of other little tidbits of information that he'd never thought he would have a practical use for. After about an hour, Lucian had declared that they were all going to get some sleep and start up again in the morning, and Andrew had agreed. He'd slept on a futon in Flint's private room, and when he awoke, showered, and was lent a t-shirt and jeans, it was right back to the grind, with Aaron taking notes, the bug-trainer looking at Andrew like he was trying to figure out if this guy was for real.

Finally, though, Andrew's information was passed along, and he went off to find Lucian. 

There were little passages at the backs of each of the Elite Four's rooms that led to the rooms where they did their waiting around for battles. Andrew headed down Lucian's and found him standing at one end of an arena. 

The arena's floor was flat and featureless, a level place in which to win, and little more. A cocky-looking boy of about seventeen was directing a Weavile, shouting orders to it. Lucian's Alakazam was teleporting around the arena, charging up some sort of attack the whole time, and finally, it let go of the attack, a bundle of energy that ripped across the arena, slammed into the Weavile, and sent it sprawling against the wall, bleeding. The boy recalled his Pokemon, taking it back with a flare of blue light from an oddly-designed pokeball. 

Andrew leaned against the wall. The boy sent out a Kricketune and instantly started calling out orders. 

Lucian was doing his insouciant thing again, not even watching the battle. As his Alakazam destroyed the Kricketune, Lucian read a book that floated in front of him, the pages turning once in a while. He read pretty fast. Once the Kricketune was defeated, the boy hung his head and turned to leave. Andrew started applauding. Lucian's book dogeared itself, closed, and headed to a small stack in the corner.

"Sexy," Andrew said. " _Tre chic, mon ami. Omellete du fromage_?"

Lucian raised an eyebrow. " _Pourquoi avez-vous me demandez si je veux une omelette au fromage? Vous êtes étrange. Si vous n'étiez pas utile et décoratif, je n'aurais probablement pas tolérer l'étrangeté._ "

Andrew pondered that for a moment. "Uh. _Michelle, ma belle, sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble_?"

Lucian blinked. " _Vous ne parlez pas français vous faire?_ "

Andrew pursed his lips and thought for a moment. " _Mon canard es en feu._ "

Lucian sighed. "You might want to check whether or not the person you're speaking to speaks the language you're faking."

"Where's the fun in that?" Andrew asked. "Lucian, I need you to teach my how to use psychic abilities."

Lucian raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because it's awesome. I've always dreamed of having those kinds of powers. Please, Lucian, just humor me?"

Lucian sighed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things to remember: Andrew is kind of a dick.

Andrew was trying. Lucian had to give him that, he really did. Unfortunately, what he was trying to do was insane. Even after having Lucian in his mind, unlocking the powers there, and then Lucian's Alakazam showing him where it all was, Andrew just wasn't making any progress. This, perhaps, was why, after three days, Lucian finally decided to try making him take care of a Pokemon. 

Not, Lucian noted to himself (and only to himself) that he couldn't admire Andrew's dedication to learning. Much as he might be an immature little man-child, he had the curiosity of a man who takes every course at a college just to see what he'll learn.

"Really, though, I think it's pretty cool," Andrew said cheerfully. "I mean, that they can sense how calm and nonthreatening you are, and they come to take a look in the, what, three hours of the day that they're awake."

"It's an amazing feat," Lucian said. "Now shut up so it'll actually happen."

"Dick," Andrew said casually, but he closed his eyes and leaned back against the tree. _Probably thinking about defense mechanisms and the evolutionary biology of psychic powers,_ thought Lucian, who knew the sorts of things that buzzed about in his protege's mind by then. _And how did that happen, anyways? I wasn't looking for a protege. I wouldn't have minded a real challenge--not a pounding like Dawn hands down, but a fight I actually have to pay attention to. So hard to find anyone who can challenge me with just twenty-four moves. And he doesn't challenge me._ Andrew had assumed some sort of a modified lotus position, and his jaw was hanging slack. Lucian suppressed a snort of amusement. _He doesn't challenge me, but he does question me. Constantly._

Lucian closed his eyes and tried to run through the same sort of exercise as Andrew was supposed to be doing, clearing his mind. His own irritation with his unexpected apprentice, however, kept intruding on his thoughts. 

+----+

Andrew grinned as he felt a weight suddenly settle on his lap. He peeled one eye open. He knew it would work. The vulpine, yellow face that peered into his eyes was full of curiosity. With his new--and still unused--powers, he felt a mind brushing against his.

_Curiosity-trepidation-questioning-hope?_

The Abra in his lap was thinking at him. Concepts only. He wondered if it was too young to think more complete thoughts, or if it was just being hesitant.

Andrew thought back to it, _exploration-learning-partnership-travel._

+----+

Okay, that was just flat-out impossible. Lucian continued to stare at Andrew as he got his new Pokemon into a ball completely without a struggle. Even Lucian's own Alakazam had had to be fought down to get it into the ball the first time, and their bond was legendary. 

"How..." Lucian said blankly as Andrew stood up.

"I tested out a theory," Andrew said. "Mine should be the sort of Pokemon that wants to push the limits, test the boundaries, and see what's around the next corner. I tried to radiate that in myself as much as possible, along with the desire for someone to push the limits with me." He extended his hand. "Shall we, mon ami?"

Lucian rolled his eyes, but he grabbed Andrew's hand and teleported them back to the League headquarters, in the lobby. Andrew let his hand slide out of Lucian's in the daintiest manner he could manage, and then he minced--he actually _minced_ , deliberately--back towards the temporary room that had been set up for him. He stopped in mid-stride, though. Dawn was standing off near the nurse's counter, talking to a friend of hers. Andrew dropped the mincing--which Lucian could only assume he thought was amusing--and said, "Hey, Lucas, right?"

Dawn's friend nodded. Dawn herself groaned. "Whatever you're going to do--"

"Can I have your hat?"

Lucas stared at Andrew in silent bewilderment for a few moments and then said, "you mean, like, to keep?"

"It's a cool hat."

Lucas shook his head. "You're asking if I'll give you my hat."

Andrew grinned like a chimp that's spotted danger. "I'll battle you for it. I've only got the one Pokemon, though, so can we do one on one?"

Lucian stared at his protege. "He's an idiot," he mumbled.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's rare for me to have as much fun writing a scene as I did with the first scene here.
> 
> Andrew is kind of a dick. But he's glorious about it, so it all works out.

Andrew grinned at his Abra as he handed over the one hold item he thought could win the fight. Five minutes of psychic almost-talk with him to discuss the plan, back when the little creature first showed up in his lap, and then all he needed was a patsy. Getting the quick claw off of Dawn had been relatively easy. She had seven of them, and she had rolled her eyes as she handed him the little thing. "You're going to need all the help you can get," she had said.

Andrew watched as Lucas took his place on the opposite side of the little arena from him. Lucas confidently tossed a Pokeball out into the arena. "All right, Absol, let's get this over with," he said. "Night Slash."

"Now," Andrew said, and the quick claw in his Abra's palm glowed. Several things happened at once.

Andrew felt the connection between himself and his Pokemon, like a buzzing in the back of his mind, rippled with a brief surge of excited anticipation. Lucas's Absol rushed, blindingly fast, straight at his Abra. The Abra teleported, rapid fire, the only thing he even properly knew how to do. He vanished from where he was, appeared right on top of the Absol, and they both vanished with a little popping sound. Almost instantly, Andrew's Abra reappeared.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "Your Pokemon just left the arena, too, that's a forfeit, not a win."

Andrew grinned. "Wait for it." He crossed his arms smugly in front of him. Enough of Dawn's fame had rubbed off on Lucas that a small crowd had gathered to watch. Cynthia was already looking in the right direction, stifling a laugh. Dawn was staring blankly at Andrew's Abra, who had assumed a nearly identical stance to his trainer. Lucian's jaw was hanging open in a strange combination of disgust and astonishment. Some of the other onlookers seemed to have grasped the situation, and then, as the keening shriek of abject terror from above slowly became audible, everyone started looking up. Lucas's face etched itself into a mask of disbelief.

"You didn't," Lucas said.

The Absol hit the ground with a horribly final-sounding crunch. Andrew winced in sympathy, then raised an eyebrow as the grievously wounded Pokemon struggled to its feet. It gave his Abra a look of undiluted hatred, and then it collapsed. 

Andrew's Abra started evolving.

+----+

"You know that was horrible, right," Lucian said.

Andrew leaned back on the psychic trainer's one chair, holding his Kadabra's Pokeball. The Pokemon had been newly christened Alkali, a name chosen on what felt like a good sort of a whim. His new hat was perched as jauntily as he could get it on his head. Lucian stood in front of his dresser, telekinetically hovering a framed picture.

"I was thinking out of the box, gambling on a hold item, and desperately hoping you poke-people would fall victim to two-dimensional thinking even harder than Khan Noonien Singh. That wasn't horrible, mon ami, it was _egregious_."

"I was referring," Lucian said drily, "to what you did to the poor boy's Pokemon."

"You loved it," Andrew said, tossing the ball up and trying to levitate it telekinetically. The ball dropped onto his lap and he sighed.

"The move itself was inspired," Lucian conceded. "It was also far more brutal than anything else I've ever seen anyone do in a Pokemon battle. And I've fought Team Rocket."

Andrew sighed. He sat up again, tossing Alkali's ball over to Lucian's bed. It bounced once, and not very far. "Yeah, it was brutal. It was totally brutal. But there wasn't a non-brutal way for me to win that. I mean, by now, Lucas must be working with Pokemon at at least level sixty. Alkali didn't stand a chance unless I got creative, and in combat, creative is usually brutal."

Lucian let the picture he'd been playing with drop to the dressertop and approached Andrew. He planted a hand on each arm of the chair and leaned in close to his pupil. "I'm glad you understand that. But you seem to be far too amused by it."

Andrew swallowed. Lucian's face was inches away from his own. He could smell Lucian's last meal, an apple. Lucian seemed to decide that his point was made, and he started pushing away from Andrew, but Andrew decided then to choose his moment. He smiled. 

Specifically, he smiled a number five, the one where he made himself blush a little and looked off to the side like he was thinking of something he didn't want anybody else to know about. 

Lucian froze, and Andrew schooled his face into what he hoped looked like endearingly awkward curiosity covering for an endearingly awkward moment. It was a hard emotion to simulate. He looked back into Lucian's eyes. "Where do you get that done to your hair, anyways?"

Lucian blinked. He stood upright and laughed a little. "Thinking of dyeing your hair, too?"

Andrew grinned. "Unless you can think of a better way to suck up to teacher."

Lucian rolled his eyes, but he didn't move away. "I'm not your teacher. I'm only showing you a few things, and you seem to be showing me an equal number of new tricks, so don't call me teacher."

Quick as he could, Andrew reached out with one leg, hooked his foot around the back of Lucian's knee, and pulled, pulling himself forward in his chair, so that Lucian dropped to his knees, his legs making a dull thumping sound in the well-padded carpet. Their faces were only inches apart again. Andrew grinned like a Crocanaw fighting a Magcargo in a rainstorm. "Okay, partner."

+----+

Lucian seemed pretty blissed out, but that was to be expected, Andrew thought. After all, he'd finally figured out the right turn-on, and the fact that it was completely by accident really only served to make victory sweeter. He drew patterns idly on Lucian's chest with one hand while he twirled Lucian's hair with the other. "I want to go journeying," Andrew said abruptly. "Have a walkabout like Dawn did. Just go and catch some Pokemon while Cynthia tries to figure out whether or not it's safe for me to try to use the Spear Pillar."

Lucian stirred and arched his back so he could look Andrew in the eye. "You can't sit still for more than three days at a time, can you?"

"I want power," Andrew said. "The universe... the multiverse... is a lot bigger than I thought it was. This is a pretty good place to start, and a few Pokemon could make me untouchable in my world. Safe."

Lucian sighed. "You're not staying here, are you?"

"Nope," Andrew said. "You weren't hoping to change my mind on that count, were you?" There was a long silence. "Oh, come on, Lucian. I didn't think I dragged on your heartstrings that hard."

"You brought down a very powerful Absol with nothing but teleport," Lucian said. "You're a brilliant trainer--" 

"Which you think is the sexy thing about me, and you're not willing to let go of the sexy thing," Andrew said. "I'll tell you what. You come with me while I'm journeying, and I'll come back for you. I have it on what I suspect is good authority that I've got about seven million years to kill. I might as well give as much of it as you want to you."

"Mm hmm," Lucian said. 

It was quiet for a moment, and then Lucian said, "wait, are you serious?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In addition to being a dick, Andrew is gloriously randy, wildly bisexual, and takes an almost unseemly pride in seducing people. This is part of why he is fun to write.
> 
> Andrew is also a total cynic, and weirdly good at reading people. He's out in full force right now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter tonight. Just wanted to get this up because I hadn't done anything with it in a while. Enjoy. There is plot happening. How unusual.

Andrew sat down at the table in what, among the Elite Four, passed for a dining room. It lacked the cathedralic look of much of the league headquarters, and was well lit by florescent lights, which buzzed cheerlessly overhead. A large table with a glass top served for furniture, but the thing was ghastly and ostentatiously modern. Still, it was good enough for a bowl of Cap'n Crunch. It was weird that Cap'n Crunch existed in this universe, but he could get used to that. 

Aaron blinked sleepily at him from the other side of the table. The bug trainer was burying himself in a cup of coffee, but he seemed to perk up a bit when Andrew sat down. "You're not quiet," he said conversationally.

Andrew dug his spoon into his cereal. "Your hair is green," he said, "which, by the way, I actually rather like. It's not quite as cool as periwinkle, but there's not a lot of colors that are."

Aaron blinked, apparently thrown for a loop. "I mean, you weren't quiet. I heard--"

"I got that, oddly enough," Andrew said. He winked at Aaron. "Jealous?"

"Irritated," Aaron said. "It's hard to sleep when all you can hear is--"

Again he was interrupted, this time by Cynthia rushing into the room. "Aaron, get your Pokemon, we're needed."

"Needed," Andrew parroted as Lucian wandered into the dining room behind Cynthia, wearing only the bottom portion of one of his pajama suits. "What are you needed for?"

"Nothing that need concern you," Cynthia said.

"Just tell him, Cynthia," Lucian said.

Cynthia turned and froze for a moment. Andrew would have paid quite a bit to see the look on her face. "You're not wearing a shirt."

"He's barely wearing pants," Andrew added. He gestured with his spoon towards Lucian. " No shoes, either. I'd say he doesn't get service, but then I might be painting myself into a corner."

Lucian stuck his tongue out. Cynthia glanced back and forth between the two of them and shook her head. "All right, fine. There are Pokemon swarming all over the Ilex Forest and the Johto branch of the League can't contain them."

Andrew's eyebrows made a try for a suborbital flight. "Sixteen gym leaders, Will, Bruno, Koga, Karen, and Lance can't contain Pokemon from the Ilex Forest."

"There are species showing up there that have never been there before. There are even a few things showing up that we've never seen before anywhere. The numbers are too great to handle, and we don't even know how to fight some of them."

Andrew drained the milk from his cereal while the others arrived. "Right. I'm going with you. This sounds anomalous. I _like_ anomalous."

Lucian shook his head. "You're not going," he said. Clothes had been floating to him while the other Elite Four members showed up, and he was just finishing pulling up his pants (which he had somehow swapped his pajama pants for without anyone getting an eyeful, a skill of dubious utility but great usefulness) as he spoke.

"I don't do everything my lovers tell me to," Andrew said. "And if this is the same kind of anomalous as I am, you'll probably want my help."

Cynthia stared at him. "You have a recently evolved Kadabra and nothing else," she said.

"Good thing I'll have Lucian keeping an eye on me."


	8. Chapter 8

"Yeah, that's not a Pokemon," Andrew said. The monster in front of him struggled against Alkali's telekinetic grip. Andrew frowned, leaning in close enough to get a good look at it. It was covered in fur, lupine, but bipedal, with a fearsome appearance and a destructive demeanor. It growled and snarled as it swiped at him with claws that looked like they could be used to eviscerate the very concept of evisceration. Andrew held his ground; Alkali was holding the beast so that its claws couldn't reach him, but the swipes were still coming within an inch or so of his face. Lucian cringed audibly every time it attacked.

With a twitch of thought at Alkali, the monster's limbs were held still as well. Andrew walked up and started manipulating its arms and legs. "I'm not positive, but I have a feeling this thing isn't from your universe." He sniffed at it. "I'm hoping it's not a balverine. That'd suck pretty hard." He pulled on some of the fur, and it snarled hatefully. "Could be a wolfos, or maybe a simple werewolf. Hm. Maybe a werewolf from Skyrim, that wouldn't be too bad, relatively." Andrew shrugged and smacked the beast across the snout. "It's weird seeing something like this in real-life resolution. Actually gets harder to tell what I'm looking at." He stepped away.

"You know everything you just said was totally impenetrable to me, right," Lucian said.

"Yeah," Andrew said. "Okay, now, Alkali, let it go, and if it lunges at me, stop it, that'll be a result."

"What!" Lucian very nearly shrieked.

Andrew chuckled. "If I had a sword and a shield, I could feel a little safer, but you'll just have to trust that I know what I'm doing." He slid into a ready stance, fists up and ready to strike, and Alkali gingerly set the monster down. It let out a howl, then began to circle him. Andrew kept himself facing towards it, then, he launched himself at it, swinging in with a right hook. The monster put its clawed arms up and blocked the punch, then, as Andrew retreated, it rushed in. As Alkali lifted it off of its feet again, it slashed at him, three short swings, each punctuated with a howl, and each a clean miss thanks to Alkali's intervention. Andrew nodded. "Wolfos." He gestured, and Alkali teleported the creature away, returning a few moments later. 

Andrew looked around. He and Lucian had come to the edge of the Ilex forest. While the rest of the gym leaders and Elite Four, apparently from all over (which really made them, by Andrew's count the Elite Fifteen), were working to contain the various things in the forest, Andrew was investigating. Lucian had objected when Andrew wanted to capture one of the monsters, but Andrew had made a few promises he wouldn't make to just anyone, and Lucian had turned quiet and a little red and then stopped objecting. Now they were surrounded by trees and various small shrubs, in what would have been a pleasant clearing in the woods if not for the mutilated Paras bodies strewn around. Andrew sighed. "Nice place, aside from the monsters and miasmic odor of lingering death."

Lucian stared at him. "Sometimes, I don't understand you at all."

Andrew recalled Alkali. "The feeling is actually pretty common. It comes from getting to know me." He started further into the forest. "If this little world of yours is arranged in a logical, boring manner, the shrine deeper in is something I may want to see. If it's not, then I don't know the first thing about why any of this--" he indicated the monster-ravaged forest "is happening."

They walked on for a while, until Andrew stopped short. "Do you hear that?" He looked up. The sun was starting to dip towards the horizon. A high, echoing laugh rippled through the forest.

"Andrew," Lucian said, "What was that?"

The laugh came again as shadows deepened in the woods. A lantern appeared ahead of them. "Poe," Andrew said.


	9. Chapter 9

Lucian stepped up closer to Andrew. "Who or what is a poe?" he asked.

"It's a ghost," Andrew began.

"So, use dark moves?" Lucian looked around nervously. "I can manage that."

"Lucian, darling, it's adorable that you think that," Andrew said, "but I don't mean that it's ghost type. I mean it's a ghost. As in, somebody died, and now they're going around haunting stuff." Andrew started backing away. "They're not tough to defeat if you happen to be the Hero of Time, wielding the Master Sword or the Kokiri Sword. I'm not sure if the Kokiri sword is magic, but I'm not about to hang around here to find out. Let's go." He dragged Lucian back away from the depths of the Ilex Forest. Lucian gripped his hand. 

"Andrew, slow down," Lucian complained. 

Andrew didn't slow down. He just squeezed Lucian's hand tighter and said, "There are Zelda monsters here, Lucian. I am not slowing down until I am indoors where it is bright and safe."

Lucian was silent for a few minutes. "Should everybody else be going inside?"

"Everybody should be warned," Andrew said.

+----+

The gathered gym leaders and the Elite Fifteen (which, now that Andrew had a chance to count them, actually numbered thirty-three) stared at Andrew as he finished explaining where the new monsters had come from. Claire raised her hand, and Andrew pointed at her. "Go ahead."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" It was a valid question.

Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, I'm not. You all saw the Wolfos that Brock dragged in, and that it couldn't be captured in a Pokeball. I'm sure there's worse things out there right now. The people holding the line are all using fire, so we can contain them, but I'm worried about the poes. Those things do not hold back, and they are dangerous. i think we need to hold steady, and then I'll need someone to fly me over the forest. I want to see where all these things are coming from."

Winona stepped forward. "I'll take you," she said.

"Maybe if someone lent him a Pokemon," Lucian said. 

Andrew grinned. "I'm not going to run off with her, Lucian." He kissed the psychic on the cheek, and squeezed his hand. "I'd be delighted to accept your help, Winona. but I really don't need anyone with me. Not to be rude, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only person here who knows even a little bit of what to expect in the air tomorrow. Lucian is right. If you could just lend me a Pokemon, it would be a lot better."

Winona frowned. "I can lend you an agile flyer," she said. "Are you sure you can handle this?"

Andrew shrugged. "If not, I have Alkali. He can get me to safety."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrew, stop being so damn overconfident.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter to make sure I don't forget about this thing.

Andrew looked at the pokemon he'd been lent. A Staravia was not, exactly, what he'd had in mind. Still, Winona had demonstrated that, despite its small size, it was perfectly capable of supporting him in flight (and he didn't want to think about how that worked), so he patted the creature on the head. "I think," Andrew said cheerfully, "that for ease of communication, I will call you Steve."

Lucian sighed and shook his head. Winona started to object, but Lucian gave her a warning look. "Don't question it."

"He's naming my pokemon," Winona said. "I'm not supposed to question it?"

"I do bizarre things," Andrew said. "Just look at Lucian."

Lucian stuck his tongue out at him, but as Andrew returned the newly rechristened "Steve" to his pokeball, the elite Four member still planted a very thorough kiss on Andrew's lips. "Don't get killed out there, all right?"

Andrew nodded. "I'll fight like a banshee with an attitude problem."

+----+

Steve let out a squawk of dismay. Yet another Guay was flying up towards them, and Andrew leaned forward and clutched at the pokemon's feathers. "Aerial Ace," Andrew commanded, and he squeezed his eyes shut. His stomach did several complicated things as the pokemon he was clinging desperately to swept through several gut-juggling maneuvers. Steve the Staravia let out a shriek of victory, and Andrew opened his eyes in time to see the Guay falling away. He turned and let out a shriek of his own.

A peahat rose up out of the forest below. The massive, plantlike monster arced towards Andrew and his feathery mount. Steve moved to evade, and a small flock of Guay rose up behind him. Andrew saw the disaster coming, but there was nothing he could do to prevent it. The Peahat was what got to them. Steve dodged the Guay, and one of the Peahat's blades slashed across his gut. Andrew let his grip falter and pulled Steve's pokeball out, retrieving the pokemon. He turned his eyes to the ground, swore, and pulled out Alkali, pulsing a mental command to the Kadabra. Moments before the Peahat's blade could slice open Andrew's face, he felt Alkali's hand on him and they were teleported together to the ground below. Andrew looked around. Wolfos were approaching. Andrew swallowed. "You take the big ugly ones," he suggested.


	11. Chapter 11

Andrew stared at the shrine in the center of Ilex Forest.

A black glow surrounded it. Andrew had no idea how that could be happening, but it was. Three hours of fighting, on foot, through enemies, that, admittedly, had no way to effectively fight telekinesis, and now he had no clue how to proceed. The glow flared brighter (darker? How did a black glow flare, anyways?), and Andrew took a sudden step back. A blank whiteness like the non-place he had passed through on his way into this universe appeared in the middle of the shrine, as though there was a tear in space. Andrew circled it, but despite its irregular outline, it stayed the same shape.

And then, with a sudden flare of white light, it and the black glow both vanished. Andrew frowned. "Alkali, can you feel anything from there?"

Alkali concentrated, and then he relayed what he felt to Andrew. There was a _thread_ some strange something inside the shrine, almost impossible to grip, infinitely thin, and infinitely small, and also infinitely deep. Andrew stepped up to the shrine, entranced, and reached out to touch the thread, the hole in the world, but his fingers touched nothing. He waved his hand through the place, and then he turned and smiled at Alkali. "I think I have my way out of here. I just need to figure out how to open it."

+----+

Lucian jumped as Andrew appeared in his room at the Pokemon center. "I think whatever was sending those things into the forest has stopped," Andrew said. "Ghost and psychic trainers are your best bet for clearing the area, plus fire trainers, there should be a couple in every group." He was a little bloodstained, and there was a sword and a simple round shield strapped to his back. "They should go for the kill. These are not wild Pokemon, they're significantly worse than that." Andrew took a deep breath and recalled his Kadabra, then collapsed all at once into a chair. "A Peahat damn near killed Winona's Staravia. I had to teleport to the ground, and lemme tell you, I wasn't sure that was going to work. Once I knew Steve was gonna be okay, I sent him back, he should be recuperating nicely by now, but..." Andrew shook his head. "I had to kill a Wolfos with a Stalfos sword."

He pulled the sword and shield off of his back and tossed them both on the floor. "These things are terrible. The sword is balanced like a bag of flour with a hilt and the shield catches the air when you try to move it too fast."

Lucian waited until he was sure Andrew was finished, and then he asked, "Are you hurt?"

Andrew shook his head. "Scratches, bruises, a couple of nice scrapes, and I ran into a patch of nettles, which was real nice, but it's nothing a hot shower, a cold beer, and some steamy Lucian won't fix."

Lucian smiled. "Steamy?"

"Steamy. Come on, I need you to tend my wounds. Steamily."

"That's not even a word," Lucian said, but he followed Andrew anyway.

+----+

"And now he won't obey anyone but you," Winona finished complaining as she handed Steve the Staravia's pokeball over to Andrew.

"I may have saved his life," Andrew said. "And possibly bandaged his wound in the forest before sending him off with Alkali, risking my own life--"

"Yeah, I get that," Winona said irritably. "I'm not lending you any more Pokemon."

Andrew nodded. "Fair enough."

He looked around. Three days, it turned out, had been enough for the gym leaders (and various associated lackeys) to get the forest cleared out, except for a few little pockets of resistance. Without the rift in the shrine dumping new monsters into the woods at all times, it had actually been possible to make progress, and although most attacks didn't harm Poes at first, Pokemon using Foresight and Odor Sleuth were able to rip the ghostly, extrauniversal visitors a new one. Andrew was impressed, but then, most media did seem to indicate that the Pokemon world's actual police forces were a bit of a joke compared to the gym leaders.

Without his help, though, he wasn't entirely sure how well things would have worked out. Original research was a great tool, and figuring out how to survive the awfulness that the Ilex Forest had become was probably one of the most useful things he had ever done with an afternoon.

The gym leaders were certainly grateful, at least. 

Whitney, from Goldenrod City, came up to him after Winona. She stared at him like she was trying to figure out a puzzle. Andrew couldn't recall having spoken to her before, but she greeted him familiarly enough. "Hi Andrew."

"Um, hello," he said.

She had put on a baseball cap and longer pants than he would have expect her to be wearing. She adjusted the cap and then nervously took it off. "You told me you wouldn't remember me yet when this happened, but I wanted to say hello anyways. Um... James... he said that you need to be careful to get the right powers when you leave. He said that clairvoyance would be useful."

Andrew blinked. "You know me?"

"Yeah. You're Uncle Andrew. Um, but... you don't know me yet." She thought for a moment. "And you're not really, like, actually my uncle, you're just someone who I look up to."

"That ain't right," Andrew said. "You need better people to look up to than me."

"You say that all the time." Unexpectedly, she reached out and hugged him. "I gotta go. See ya!"

She hurried away. From where he was sitting in the corner to the room, Lucian, raised an eyebrow. "You're just full of surprises."

Andrew took a deep breath. "Yeah. Um, Lucian, we gotta talk."

"What about?"

Andrew sighed. "I found a way out of this universe. I just have to figure out how to open it and then I'll be gone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we're nearing the end of part 1. Should be fun when I finally get around to getting there.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I'm just gonna update this when the mood strikes me. It could basically go on forever, so, um, we'll just see how often I get bored.


End file.
